It's not all about money here. Even though a few hundred ringgit for a game is like tak masuk akal to me. For the same amount of money mr will happily let them buy a new bicycle any day. There are few other things that we do not really happy with the game and I simply hate the 'berebut' side of it.
Any how, after talking to mr we decided that we will let them buy with 50-30-20 ratio. Afiq will fork out the most of it. Some contribution from Sarah to avoid ownership issues later and we will top up a bit. And I will asked them to write down their own rules and regulations so that I hope they will abide by it. InsyaAllah. And...it will only happen after pksr2 which is only in 2 weeks time.
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Anyways, read this yesterday and found it to me a reminder to me. Yeah...it's a different phase of parenting and I have no choice but to go through it.
Wednesday September 29, 2010
Making decisions
CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW
Teens should be taught to bear the responsibility for their decisions.
WHILE two-year-olds need parental guidance on how to go about doing things, 13-year-olds should start managing their own behaviour.
Of late, my children, both in their early teens, have dutifully been asking for permission to do certain things.
These days, we go by this rule: They make the decision and bear the consequences. Instead of saying to their friends: “My mum refused to let me go for the movie.” they take ownership by saying: “I have decided not to join you for this movie.”
My younger daughter argued that it is still my decision when they do not get to go. I told her that I do not agree with certain themes and inappropriate messages in the movies. They have to weigh the pros and cons themselves. I will respect their decisions.
My children understand that their decisions govern their behaviours. They have to be accountable for these decisions just as they expect the same from their parents.
As they grow older, children know that they have to take responsibility for their actions. Many will try to have their parents decide for them and then blame them for the decision.
For example, 10-year-old Jack clearly understands that he can watch television only after completing his homework. One day, he did not feel like doing his homework before watching television.
He asked his mother: “Can I watch television now?” His mother responded: “You know the rule. Television after homework is done.”
Jack asked her again: “Can I just watch one show before I start my homework?” His mother, irritated by his whining, grudgingly consented: “OK! OK! Just this one time.” Jack managed to whine his way to making his mother change the rule.
Like many children his age, he knows there are many ways he can make his parent change her mind to suit him. Some children would deliberately hand their homework to parents to sign when they are busiest or not able to pay attention.
They will come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid facing the consequences when they choose to do wrongly. One child to his father: “If you don’t come to school and see my teacher, she will surely kill me. Once you pay the fine to her, she will let me off.”
Instead of checking with the teacher to find out what the child has done, the father paid the fine. His son did not learn any lesson from this incident.
Children need practice with decision-making. Start by giving them opportunities to make their own decisions. For example, instead of demanding holiday activities from their busy parents, the children can plan the activities and work out a budget before presenting the proposal to their parents.
Parents need practice in letting go. Children fare better when they develop independence.
When children learn to take responsibility for their own actions, they gain the experience of being in control, and develop leadership skills. They have to do the right thing; then they can defend their stand when challenged.
When parents let their children face the consequences of their actions, they find that they have fewer power struggles with their children. Their children are humbled by their mistakes and realise that they have to be more careful when making choices.
Gone are the days when I hear: “Mum, you should have told me to ...” or “Why did you not remind me to ...”
Each member of the family takes responsibility for his or her behaviour.
-credit-
5 comments:
ps2 or ps3? ps2 is dated already.
xbox or wii is nice too. wii ada handheld controller yang mimic real actions, so ada la physical movement bila main game tennis. or can get a dance pad untuk main dancing game hehe..
dapat tahu kat adam and amir ni, sure lagi sibuk suruh hantar ke rumah abang afiq.
bab gadgets we all mmg selalu outdated. Beli yang murah je you....takot nanti perot abang Afiq makin boroi duduk main game saja. Ni tkd pun dia dah tak minat sbb dah senior kan..geng pun dah tak ramai so kira sambung bila dia masuk secondary lah nanti.
Cuti sekolah boleh lah datang. La ni...Abg Afiq kena piat telinga buat revision ;-P
Personally I disapprove of games and amenda ntah lagi. But I have to oblige.. peer pressure (peer = firhad) pastu tengok my kids terkulat2 perhati cousin2 main.
I take away the psp sometimes. hhihih tak larat panggil banyak kali tapi buat tak tau je sebab syiok layan. In my household, it's 3 against 1 when it comes to games. *bleargh
-rotidua
they have ps2 tapi i cannot agree with psp sebab i really do not like the anti socialising of the game. with ps2 (yalah outdated. heheh) pun only on weekends and cuti sekolah. not after asr sbb better main luar.
anyway Alhamdulillah we are Muslims. So we can take more side of what Allah has taught us on how to raise kids and the opinions of modern psychologists.
Allah said guard your family and save them from hellfire. In one way they are allowed to decide as long as the choices are not going off what Allah forbids. There are rules and principles they need to follow not merely the rules of society. But good article. haziq pun dah emerging teen. kena kasi dia decide apa dia nak tapi with Insya Allah guidelines (and bebel. hahahhaha)
good article!! i think my 2 kids are way exposed to games..i think by know you know already laa heheh..they have ps2 and psp for years now and nael play wii at his makcik's house but one good thing i observe is that nael already went tru the hype of these gadgets sampai dia dah tak heran, dah bosan kot and i always ensure that he's into other activities as well. The downside of too much infront of the idiot box are lack of compassion n interaction with human..i think we just need to guide n set rules for them. I am pretty sure your kids will do well although when they hv their ps2 or psp later on :)
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