Thinking Mode

From 2008 to 2009

It’s near to the end of 2008 which also means nearer to my birthday *hint..hint..
It is also the time to look back and make plans for the coming year.

Why do I like planning so much even when 50% of my plans does not happen?

Maybe because ‘our family of 5’ depends on each other sooo much in many many ways. If not me than my husband. Next come Huda or Kak Liza but that is only for things related to our 3 children. Selalunya bab babysitting or transportation. Others like money or anything lah..semua fikir sendiri…settle sendiri. In order to avoid huge problem the least we can do is to plan well in advance. Yang lain tu berserah aje lah. Yang penting all things dah di consider dan dah difikir sebaik-baiknya. One thing yang selalu I doa is untuk Allah permudahkan urusan kami sekeluarga.

I am not happy with myself.

This year it’s time to look into myself. A few things had happened (which I haven’t share here) which have forced me to think.

During one of the raya puasa gatherings, mr received a sad news that his roommates during matrik was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma cancer. He went to visit him. He has 3 children same age as ours. He is 35yo.

I received news that a lady who lives in our neighbourhood who is a close friend to a friend passed away due to meningitis. Leaving her 2 children. She was 32yo.

I keep thinking and feel really humble. Masih banyak yang belum dibuat & masih terleka dalam banyak perkara.

When I try to evaluate what I have achieved this year I realized that I have been reading lots of books this year. The rm1k for tax dah lama selesai. Thought I’ll put an entry on that but I am sad because I haven’t khatam quran for many years. I haven’t diligently reading surah Yasin on malam jumaat for so many years. I miss my time in sesepi when I never missed reading surah yasin except when I ‘bejot’. How do I make reading surah yasin on every malam jumaat as a routine for my family including my children. I don’t intend to send them to any boarding school but I would like to incorporate a lot of things I went thru before at home.

Apa Orang Kata

On a different issue. Having a family (my mak side) with 9 aunties one can imagine the amount of ‘news’ , ‘gossips’ etc that go around everytime we meet. Me being me, always the ‘different’ ones. Believe it or not? I am the first to marry someone from a different state. Kelantan pulak tu. Before me semua kawin dengan orang johor. Sakit hati, makan hati, terasa hati semuanya ada. Me being me yang keras hati dan kepala sometimes I menjawab lah jugak. Banyak dosa dengan Mak but again, senang kita susah kita, kita saja yang tahu. Apa hak orang lain nak kata kita? Yang penting dalam hidup kita, kita perlu tahu apa yang kita nak. Apa yang kita nak tak semestinya sama dengan apa yang orang lain nak. Hidup lebih aman, tenteram dan mudah kalau pertamanya kita tahu apa yang kita nak. Yang lain tu does not matters. In my life I take my own family, my parents and my parents in law as main priority. I respect the others but they have less impact in my life. When I have to ‘buat pekak’ I’ll do it.

I am Not Perfect

Another thing that I try to accept is that ‘I am not PERFECT’. No matter how I plan things most of the time ada je yang tak kena. I accept it and try to do better next time. Some of my plan never really happen and I accept it. Tak nampak bayang pun lapbook for AidilAdha *sigh. Setakat bayang dalam kepala ada lah. I can’t imagine those perfectionists.